What should i do about my wife's selfishness?

maybe you should try not to get to angry, and gently talk to her. don't leave because its hard sometimes to know your dad left you.

First, BOTH of you need to get over this patriarchal attitude that it's the man's job to support the family. That only goes hand in hand with saying it's the woman's job to tend the house. This is 2013. You are both equally responsible for everything. Now, if your wife were pregnant or going through a health issue when she quit her job then I'd say you're being an insensitive jerk. However, she irresponsibly quit her job without having another one lined up. This is a bad thing to do even if you're a single individual. She has four children to think about. Now, you mention that she doesn't do much of anything at home during the day, she's not keeping the house clean she just usually sleeps until dinner time. ***That behavior is not indicative of someone with a healthy state of mind.*** Does your wife or anyone in her immediate family suffer from depression or other types of mental illness? This is important to consider because a responsible mother does not just up and quit her job for the hell of it when she knows things are tight for the family.

Now, where you've messed up is allowing yourself to blow up at her. She's threatening to take the kids and leave? Seriously? How explosive are these arguments? Are there other marital problems between you two you've not mentioned? Are you close with her siblings/parents? If so why don't you try talking to one of them sometime? Don't "complain about her" to her family, but make a solid case that you're really concerned and you don't know what to do.

As for the continuing financial woes ... if your wife refuses to work then it's up to you to cut back. Do you have cable/internet? Cut the cable, you can do just fine on Internet alone. Do you have health club memberships? Cut those, it's an expense you can't afford right now. Go through your budget and find things that you can do without and get rid of them. If she throws a fit say you cannot afford them any longer. Ultimately, you are just as responsible for the financial situation as your wife. Yes, everyone has hard times but you both made the decision to bring five kids into this world. Were you saving money before you started having children? I'm assuming from the way you detail what's happened you didn't have much in the way of an emergency fund saved up before she quit her job.

Figure out a gentle, non-combative way to talk to your wife.

Wow you and I have a very similar situation, I really feel for you! I have a very lazy wife and there are many other issues that if it weren't for my two amazing kids I'd be soooo gone it's not funny! Honestly our situations are extremely delicate and difficult to deal with. Women like this want everything and think that they are entitled. The problem is that women (and men) like this are often extremely vindictive and yes they will go for the jugular, i.e., threaten your relationship with the kids. I wish I had a better answer for you because then I'd have an answer for myself. I guess the main reason I am responding is to let you know that you're not alone in regard to your problem. Bottom line it's only a matter of time before it all falls apart. Prepare yourself for the storm in any way possible. Get as financially strong as is possible / if possible and most of all be the Best Dad you can be! I know that everyone tells me that no matter what they are my kids, they love me and they will always love me. Most likely, as long as you are a good and loving father, the same goes for you. But still, don't assume anything. If and when the time is right it might be best to get out of there. Especially if the kids see fighting and a dysfunctional family situation. That isn't good for them in the long run. One last thing; I've come to the realization that my wife has personality / psychological issues, i.e., possible bipolar / narcissistic personality disorder; maybe your wife has some similar issue/s. It helps to be aware and thereby understand the nature of the issue/s. People like this can be VERY difficult to get along with and from what I've learned about them sometimes the best thing to do is cut ties. Hence, I'm working on that myself as it's easier said than done! Good luck to you, I wish you all the best!

I'd take a hard line with her again, but this time make the conversation deliberate and controlled. Tell her you expect her to be an adult and contribute financially toward the family. If that means doing piecework from home or getting a job, the gravy train is over. Explain to her that she's not the person you fell in love with-- that person cared about you and your family enough to keep them in clothing and food and a roof over their heads.

If she still bucks working, then you downsize everything. Get a smaller place, cut the credit cards, the cable bill, the internet and smartphone bills. If she wants to live on one income, then show her what one income will buy.

i used to be a stay at home mom, so I won't be the people who tells u being a stay at home mother is a hard job. it is boring and not hard at all, even if u re cleaning every day and coking from scratch for a big family of 5. so maybe indeed u move out and see how will she manage

the strain is affecting a lot of people low paid jobs are making it difficult for everyone at times like this we need each other together you are stronger she is obviously losing heart in the struggle as indeed you seem to be get the family together have a talk about each putting their bit in to get you through it make them realise the importance of being there for each other no one else is going to be you can support each other when they are down talk to your wife find out why she is the way she is can you help is it something you are failing in don't give up without a fight

Try having a calm talk with her. Maybe she's having issues with depression or something like that. Sounds to me like there is some sort of underlying issue she's not telling you about there.