Emotionally abusive family?

Question

This is long but here it goes. No judgement please. So I Am an adult living on my own. I recently came out as bisexual to my dad and he flipped his lid. He disowned me, kicked my adult sister out . I told him a week before fathers day. My sisters yelled at me saying I shouldn't have told him so close to fathers day- should've waited until she could move out first or until I had at least dated a girl first. She kept going on how selfish I was because I never considered them. Well my sister was bragging how they have to do 2 birthdays because of this. I got mad- said you can't yell at me for coming out and then brag how much you enjoy it. She went on how incredibly selfish I was being. So I told her it wasn't easy for me and she wasn't there for me. Whenever I bring up girls she goes completely silent. She said it's because she's still mad. I said no that's not it and if they weren't comfortable with my sexuality they should've told me. She said no I would've gotten mad at them. I said no I would've respected that and gave you some time. I did tell him around fathers day out of spite because this man has ruined every holiday and birthday with his childish fits for quite a few years now. They say it's all my fault that the family split up because I knew how he would react and did it anyway. That he can't change because he's old. I don't even know what to do anymore. My last birthday ended with my family treating me like trash and me in tears and them laughing at me. Advice???

♠ Merlin ♠ · Accepted Answer

Its difficult to give advice without judgement i'm afraid.
No judgement on you, but your father and sister.

Your father CLEARLY used this as an excuse to throw your sister out.
There is no other possible justification for what he did. It makes ZERO sense.
Your sister is enjoying being a "victim" in all of this

Frankly? Your family is dysfunctional and you are better off out of it.
Sounds like it was only their dysfunction that kept them together
you on the other hand are out on your own, living your own life. You dont need that kind of crazy in your life

Foofa · Answer

Unless you were planning on bringing a same sex partner to the next family reunion this probably was more of an assertion of independence than anything that had to be done. I didn't tell my parents I'm bi until I had to because I wanted to bring a girlfriend to a family wedding. But now that you've done this you can't undo it so just tell your sister that you're sorry your timing was off and be done with it. Your father will recover and being bi is hardly the end of the world. Incidentally, I've been married to a man for a decade and I sometimes don't even think my parents remember that I'm bi.

Patricia · Answer

I don't see what you telling you father about your sexuality has to do with your sister, or why she had to move out.  That's insanity at its finest.

And i wonder, why you have to announce your sexuality anyway unless you're in some serious, same sex relationship currently, where the person would be introduced to your family?  Just a thought.

Meanwhile my boyfriend is bisexual, has been all his life, he's in his 50's and doesn't go around announcing the details of his private life.  His family has no clue.  He's never had a steady bi relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Pearl holds Q&A sessions   for abusive family problems and  she can help.
She is looking for a job and if anybody can help let her know.

angielynn219 · Answer

How sad.  That you admit to telling your father before Father's Day out of spite shows that you obviously don't care how your actions hurt your family.  If that's the case, then you need to distance yourself from them completely.  Your relationship with your family is only bringing pain for everyone involved, including yourself.  You are an adult, now act like one.

Emotionally abusive family?

5 Answers