How to forgive ?

To save me typing this answer out all over again, I have copied and pasted the answer that I gave a while back to someone on Yahoo answers who asked this same question. I hope that's acceptable.

Here it is: "When you forgive somebody, you do it - not by feelings, but by an act of your will.

So you stand before God, ask Him to help you to forgive so-and-so and then say "Lord I will" and put your right foot firmly on the ground and say, "As an act of my will, I forgive so-and-so".

After that, no matter how many times it comes into your head, you say, "Get behind me Devil, in the Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth who died for me and for so-and-so, I have forgiven so-and-so, and just as God said He will never remember my sins anymore but has put them in the deepest sea of His forgetfulness, I COMMIT to NEVER remembering so-and-so's sin against me ever again."

Then thank God for helping you to forgive that person. NEVER mention the matter ever again - not to yourself, nor to anyone else. Always do what God said and "Cast DOWN evil imaginations and arguments, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and BRING EVERY THOUGHT INTO CAPTIVITY TO THE OBEDIENCE OF JESUS CHRIST" (2 Corinthians 10: 3-6) because our weapons of warfare are not carnal but mighty THROUGH GOD, to the pulling DOWN of those strongholds.

If you do it the biblical way, you cannot fail. Jesus even told us to PRAY FOR THOSE WHO SPITEFULLY USE US ETC. (Read Matthew 5:44) and then you can pray for the person.

In the meantime, Just rebuke it every time it comes into your head trying to rear its ugly head against your act of forgiveness and THANK THE LORD FOR THE ABILITY HE GAVE YOU TO FORGIVE SO-AND-SO. Then you cannot fail."

Fundamentally, forgiveness is not so much a result of what we "do" or "have", but a consequence of what we 'are' and have 'become'; in which "doing and having" follow.  The word 'forgive' is a combination of 'give' and 'before'.  Forgiveness involves 'giving a pass' on passing judgment on others, out of the recognition that people cannot be other than what they 'are', at the moment; otherwise, 'they would be'.

To have 'Compassion and Forgiveness', without exception towards one's fellow man and self, for being "less than perfect", is a way of 'being in the world'.  Being loving and forgiving person, means giving up on how people "could" or "ought to" be, and just seeing others as 'loveable' and 'forgivable'.  Eventually, after enough time working on improving oneself, we begin to realize that there isn't ever anything to forgive. 

True Forgiveness doesn't intend to "change" anyone or thing, but to 'transform' our faults and limitations (through 'transcendence') by bring forth the miraculous.  

They are little yous

Forgiving is not forgetting or minimizing the wrong, but it means that you simply need to let it go, for your own well-being.

Here are some scriptures that help me when I need to forgive someone:

Colossians 3:13 - “Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another.”

James 3:2. - “We all stumble many times.”​

1 Peter 4:8 - “Love covers a multitude of sins.”​

I hope that helps! 

Start by not hating the offender's guts.  If you can manage that, stop wishing hell on him.  Then learn to put yourself in his situation.  He might be a blackguard, but if you can learn to wish him well, it will be well with you.  Many times I've had to say to myself, "He got what he wanted.  I should be happy for him."

Mark 11:25 

And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

It begins with a conscious decision and a personal commitment. You agree that another has wronged you, but you are choosing not to hold it against him, out of Christian love, and hopes of reconciliation.

When in that persons presence, you act as though it never happened. When those old memories kick in, you consciously refuse to dwell upon them.

Over time, it gets easier as you've restored the relationship, and those memories get dimmer and dimmer from non-use. We forget things by refusing to dwell upon them.

And thats how God forgives us. He literally forgets our sins once we have repented of them.

Hebrews 8:12 KJV — For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.

Now then, to add urgency....

Matthew 6:14-15 KJV — For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

We MUST forgive others in order for God to forgive us.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

Understand what forgiveness involves. In the Bible, at times the word “forgive” means “let go.” So forgiveness does not always require that you forget what happened or minimize the wrong. Sometimes it means that you simply need to let go of a matter, for your own well-being and that of your marriage.

Recognize the consequences of not forgiving. Some experts say that holding on to resentment can put you at greater risk for a wide range of physical and emotional problems, including depression and high blood pressure—not to mention the damage it does to your marriage. For good reason, the Bible says: “Become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another.”—Ephesians 4:32.

If necessary, discuss the matter. Calmly explain what offended you and why it made you feel that way. Do not impute bad motives or make dogmatic statements, since these will only put the offender on the defensive. Instead, simply relate how the individual's actions affected you.

People are slaves of devil, you don't need any other reason to forgive them. Their kerma is reason that true saint and spirituality is not in their life, so they must have to reap what they sowed for themselves.The same is applicable for you and I. 

There are two main reasons a man does not get directions in this world.

1. Bad deeds (Not walking on the path of love). 

2. Ignorance. 

🥴😊

Its near impossible.

However.... the best motivation is that you setback your blessings by default when you dwell on past wrongs. 

So the forgiveness is not for them. But for you. And your peace of mind.