How Would You Respond to Your Grandparents If They Humiliate You?

Question

would you treat elders in your family the same as you would treat friends after they try to embarras you? if these insults were from friends I would never tolerate the disrespect I would retaliate instantly.

there has been a lot of success and failures in my life. Im at a point where Im happy with my path and gradual movement forward. Im starting to gain a lot of national attention and publicity in my field but I never talk about it when I travel to visit my family. I always do my best to remain humble and silent about my success to keep the family peace and bonding. my family never really supported me as a youth and i moved miles away from the country to a big city. back then it was never “do you enjoy your new things”… it was “how can you afford that”

my family and elders alway greet me with sincere warm love at first. but I’ve noticed a pattern over years when i visit where my grandparents wait until were in front of a group of family and they start to ask a series of personal questions that are designed to embarass me. The things they ask are never relevant to the general conversation but are things about my personal life and “losses” in my financial or love life.

they never ask positive questions like “hey hows that new six figure promotion you earned or I heard you donated money to that cancer charity”.. they never encourage my family loyalty like “that was great that you were the only one who could afford to pay for your mothers surgery last month”.

? · Answer

I'm always a huge fan of family airing out their issues, in a respectful manner of course.  And in private.

Maybe one day when you have an occasion to be alone with your grandparents, simply ask them.  "Grandma, Grandpa, how come you never seem proud of me?  Have I done something in life you disapprove of?"  And let the conversation start.

BTW, I used to have a similar problem with my Mom.  For parents I understand this issue a little better.  Parents always want their kids to be great, and sometimes disappointed if not.  All of her children never did good enough for her, even though all of us lead perfectly satisfactory lives.  No one ever got in trouble with the law.  All of us kids were very responsible.  None of us ever asked her for money.  We all got married before having kids.  2 of us achieved pretty good success while she was still alive.  None of it was every good enough.

But I do think this problem is unusual for Grandparents!

JORGE N · Answer

You just go about being the great person you always have been and stop worrying what others think or don't think.  If they think right good.  If they think wrong, oh well, their loss.  You don't have to be a loser just to get others to relate and thank you for the things you are capable of doing.  Just do them and be thankful are able to do the right thing even if no one else is.

Re Vera · Answer

I've found giving people a saccharine-sweet smile and saying in an even tone, "I appreciate your interest, but that's none of your f*cking business," has a way of getting people to back off. Just because they're your grandparents doesn't mean you have to worship the ground they walk on. If they're being rude, you have every right to tell them so.

How Would You Respond to Your Grandparents If They Humiliate You?

3 Answers