What are your opinions on this Shakespeare style poem?

I wrote this as an answer to someone who wanted an older English version of some modern lines of text. I added a fair bit of creative licence, but took obviously took significant inspiration from their writing. 

Anyway, It’s been a while since I’ve written poetry of any kind, let alone Shakespearean inspired poetry...so I just wondered if you had any opinions. :) 

I pray thee to return to me once more.

For all the world may sleep, save my poor soul,

So much am I shaken by thy absence. 

O injustice! To know I love in vain,  

I call thee, yet I know thou shalt not come.

A misty veil of sorrow clouds my thoughts.

For I rejoice to think on thee, yet weep,

As thou dost not remember what once was. 

How dares the sun to spectate on my pain? 

My life doth not befit such revelry. 

Eternal night, dress’d in her somber robes

Is a much kinder and more patient friend.