Is 4 too young for a child to know thier mom just died?

Children are smarter then we give them credit for. Tell her in not so many words that "Mommy has gone to heaven now". The best way for children to really get it is as follows: Allow or help the child write a letter to her mother telling her how she feels and what she is thinking. Allow her to do this whenever she wants and always be supportive and help her. Have her stick the message in a balloon and let her "send the message to mommy" by releasing the ballon outside and watch it float away. Explain that Mommy will get the message when the balloon reaches heaven. Hope this helps!

Take her to the funeral and take pictures.

I remember things that happened when I was 4 years old. If this had happened to me, I would expect the truth and it would be a grudge I would have held in teen years (and maybe later) if my guardian had lied. Even if you explain it as "going to heaven" that's SOMETHING. Do SOMETHING to explain it! Mommy's gone one way or another, the child KNOWS, let her know the WHOLE truth and she will appreciate your honesty all her life. Telling her or not telling her where her Mommy's gone will not change the pain for her. Emotionally she will have to deal with the same thing truth or no truth. Might as well give her truth.

Help her to remember her Mommy too, by bringing her to the grave or somewhere significant to leave flowers for mommy on the anniversary of her death every year. The little girl will appreciate that more than you'll ever know. It may even help her remember her mom by refreshing those early memories every year. Perhaps also make sure she has a picture/memorial in her room to look at.

My parents both almost died when I was 4 or 5 and for a long time I resented people not telling me the truth when I asked what was going on or where they were. I am am very fortunate they both pulled out of their separate situations more or less in one piece, but for a couple of months it didn't look good. This little girl needs to know that her mother died. She is very young, but explain it to her in simple terms. You can say things like "your mother loved you very much and she didn't want to leave, but her body just wouldn't let her stay." Her aunt can let her know that she also loves her very much and that she can ask any questions about her mother that she would like. Make sure to allow the child to remember her mother clearly. Make a photo and memory book she can look back on throughout the years and search to see if her mom had a journal for her to read later in her life. Bring in a child psychologist if you are afraid you can't breach the subject appropriately. At four years old she is capable of understanding more than you think. Believe me, not being honest with her and letting her ask the questions and go thru the pain with guidance and support will hurt her more in the long run.

Yes, she needs to be told her mom passed away -- in SIMPLE but clear terms. Like: "mommy is with god in heaven now (or, in the "sky"), she loves & misses you very much, but now I'm going to live with you and take care of you."

No doubt the child will have more questions and they will probably become more complex as time goes on. Don't be too complex in your answers though or the child will become confused and perhaps even scared. Just be simple, but truthful. Explain things in a way that won't frighten her. You want her to feel safe and secure and loved. Communicate that she will cared for and loved. Put frames of her mom around the home and be sure to talk about her mom often,. as time goes on, encourage her to recall memories or ask her how her mommy did certain things (ie, tuck her into bed, etc)

so sad, good luck!

I'm not a professional, but I am a mommy. I think you need to be honest with her that mommy has died but that Aunt Jenny is going to here to care for her now. Tell her that mommy didn't want to go but that she was sick (or that God needed her back) and she had to. You can't lie to her. That will be more traumatizing than the truth. Also, try to find a pediatric therapist if you can. She'll probably need someone to talk to as she gets older.

Sorry for your loss.

She is NOT to old to be told, she will not exactly understand, and yes, she is going to be devastated. Get prepared for it.

Contact a Hospice organization and talk to them. They will have the resouces to help you. Do it today. Call Hospice before you tell the child. Please, no matter how gentle you make it, it is going be so hard for her.

No lies." no mommy is just visiting the angels because that will bring hope that the angels will return mommy someday. Just simple. Mommy got really sick, really hurt and she could not get well. her Spirit went to live with God. She does not hurt anymore but she cannot come back to us. So she wanted you to live with Aunt Jenny." It is going to be a ....awful...for a while. but contact hospice now.

Just tell her that mommy wont be here anymore and that shes in a better place and one of these days she will get to see her again. Dont tell her how it happened till she gets older but just let her know. Shes going to be sad but its going to happen no matter how old she is.

Im sorry about the loss and your troubles right now.

I hope everything works out right now.

whatever way you tell her, she will cry and not fully understand. so just be prepeared to see that.. what i would do is this.. if she has herd anything about heaven and who goes to heaven, you can blend that in to telling her... you can say since special people go to heaven, that is were your mommy went. say.. she was just soo special that God sent her off to heaven and someday you will be able to to go to heaven too. i dont know hun, this is a hard thing to explain to a young one like that... maybe you can take h er outside and have her look up to the sky and explain that heaven is way way up there and when its nightitme and the stars are out, you can see the star... make her pick a star and tell her that is her mommy up there and she is smiling down on her.. not sure if sher is too young to understand that.. see at 4 years old, children do not understand death, so you need to be real careful how you explain things.. hence thats why you are asking...no matter what.. she will cry and probably wont understand, but just hold her and give her lots and lots of love. my heart goes out to her and the onel who tells her..

My little girl's father passed away when she was 4 years old due to a motor cycle accident. I told her the truth (or at least as much of it as a 4 yr old could understand). I told her that daddy had a bad accident and that he went to heaven. She asked questions like "when can I go see him?" I had to tell her when it was her turn to go to heaven. She's 11 now and still misses him very much. His picture is on her nightstand and she has a few of his belongings. The death of a parent is not something they ever get over...they just get used to it.

I'm so sorry for your loss........I completely understand what you and your family are going through. You have my deepest sympathy.

it is really really hard but i had to tell my daughter when her dad died. It happened a year and half ago. she was six when it happened and its seemed like a bad dream. me and her dad had,nt been together since she was two and she did'nt see as much of him near the end, but still she loved him and still loves him.

the sooner you tell the little girl the better, she will ask alot of questions and get upset at random times between seeming ok.

it is the worst words to tell a child, i know, but have her guardian sit her on her knee, put arms around her and tell her that something sad has happened to her mum. take your time and try to stay calm. if she believes in heaven then comfort her with that; my daughter does and thats where her dad is now, where he'll always be watching out for her.

the little girl will respond much better to honesty, to openess; and even though you will feel like your not doing it right, you will be just by keeping an eye on her, encouraging her to talk and ask questions, letting her cry when she needs to and keeping an eye out just incase of negative behaviour.(my daughter used to write her feelings down in a book and i would peek at them to check on her thoughts)

i can tell you care very much and thats all she needs...lots of support. make a scrap book, where she can write notes or draw pictures for her mum and put in her favourite photos, something just for her.

best of wishes.